【托福写作】独立写作这样你会的高分！

2019-07-08 15:22

来源：周徐敏托福写作

作者：

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今天郑州新东方为大家带来原新东方美本直通车托福负责人周徐敏老师的分享，主要的分享思路分为两个部分：

1. 解析独立写作满分评分标准

2. 针对一道独立写作，讲解如何按照标准写出符合要求的高分文章

“对于同学们来说，理解独立写作的满分评分标准非常的重要，因为这些标准能够给我们如何展开一篇高质量的文章提供标准，可能有很多同学刚接触托福，甚至也有很多同学已经上过了托福的相关课程，但仍然没有拿到令自己满意的分数，那么同学可以自己思考一下为什么自己的文章不能够有所突破。那实际上还是因为我们对于独立写作的评分标准不能很准确的把握，从而不能按照要求去写出高质量的文章。”

标准1: effectively addresses the topic and task.

很多同学不是很好的理解这一条标准。这条标准要求考生们能够快速的去审题。这里我需要强调一下是快速的去审题，因为考试时间非常有限。审题实际上是一门很大的学问，需要同学们能够快速的针对所给话题，快速的选定自己的观点，并且快速组织出2－3个支撑自己观点的论点。这看似很简单，但实际上对于很多考生，尤其是中学生来说，是一大拦路虎。这时候需要同学们针对历年考试的题目进行大量的思路训练，才能够在考试的过程中快速做出观点选择。

那到底何为有效地审题呢？我们来看一个具体的例子。

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: the government should cover Internet fees for individuals.

破题具体步骤：

第一步－快速浏览题干（发现题干中出现标志词should）－确定题型－发现这是一道利弊类别的题型：（至于如何判断题型以及如何根据不同的题型采用不同的思考方式，这在我们直通车中级班的前段以及冲分班的第一天都会讲到，在这里，由于时间关系，我只演示给大家如何解决这道题目）

第二步，针对不同的题型采用不同的思考方式以及解题技巧，那么针对这道利弊类题目－我们采用的思考方式是：1. 去掉标志词，假设题干中现象已经发生；2. 推导结果，如果好的结果多则同意，反之不同意。

那么具体操作：1. 去掉should, 题干变成 the government covers Internet fees for individuals.

2. 推导结果，由于时间关系，这里我只带大家去推导好处了。好的结果：1. 市民省钱，减轻市民经济压力 2. 网上有很多的资源是需要付费的，如付费电视，报纸杂志啊，如果政府能够支付的话，人们能够获得更多的网络资源 3. 因特网的使用会更加普及，促进电子贸易的发展，带动经济的发展。

然后快速得出三个论点：

To begin with, thanks to the government’s financial support, citizens can reduce their daily expenditure, causing the decrease of their economic burden.

To be followed, the government economic aids will lead citizens to access more valuable resources.

Lastly, the increasingly widespread use of Internet sparkled by the government’s assistance will contribute to the development of E-commerce, precipitating the economic growth.

那么至于如何的快速写出高语言质量的论点，以及提升自己的整体语言水平，我希望以后有机会再和大家探讨这个问题。因为今天的主题主要是围绕独立写作的核心，也就是满分评分标准

到这一步，破题才算是完美的结束，回顾一下发现有效破题包括如下步骤：

浏览题干，判断题型

根据题型，决定思路

根据观点，给出论点

标准2: well- organized

(文章整体结构＋段落内结构); （指的是文章要有很好的结构组织性；针对这一点希望同学们在实际写作的过程中注意两点，第一点文章整体的结构性，具体表现为：需要开头段表明文章观点，中间段表明论点以及结尾段重述观点以及总结论点。第二点，段落内结构组织性：要求有论点以及对应的例子来进行支撑。

针对 well-developed 这一点，魔君个人这么多年对于写作的理解，是认为：well-developed 这点针对well-organized这一点标准进行进一步的深化（论点支撑文章观点＋段落内论证部分需要围绕论点进行逐层展开）;

explanation（对于论点进行解释说明，体现出考生短时间内论证能力）

对于example来说，理解起来就很简单了，就是字面意义上的例子的意思（同时也是一个中间段的核心部分，用来论证论点）

对于detail来说，从字面意义来理解也不难，指的是细节（例子的核心，它能够决定例子是否能够扣题以及例子是否具有很强的论证效果）

在这里，给大家举一个简单的例子：

我们可以看到，魔君给出的：

Topic sentence: Mo Jun is rich.

Explanation: It is because Mo Jun has assets that can be transferred into actual money.

Example and Detail: Mo Jun owns a private luxurious car with the brand of Benz and possesses more than 10 apartments in Beijing as well as marries an adorable girl.

这里，提醒大家要记住：细节决定成败－拒绝写流水账。如果未来再有机会的话，希望同学们能够来到我的课堂，具体来看下例子到底如何展开，今天因为时间关系，我就不做多讲了。在后面讲解魔君写的文章的时候，魔君会带大家来看看例子是怎么去构造的。

那么独立写作的第二条评分标准就讲解完毕，我们一起回顾下：

well- organized 指的是文章整体结构，以及段落内结构的组织性

well－developed 指的是文章的论点紧紧围绕观点，段落内的论证紧紧围绕论点展开

explanation－指的在段落中去解释论点的成立

example－指的是论证过程的例子，也是中间段的核心部分

detail－指的是例子中的细节部分，也就是example的核心部分。

评分标准3: unity+progression+coherence

Unity：统一性，要求文章整体结构：开头段＋中间段＋结尾段／另外中间段部分必须围绕观点展开／中间段中每个句子要围绕论点展开。

Progression：连续性，那么其一指的是：文章主体段中需要大量使用连接词（transitional words）or连接性的短句（transitional sentences）来串联，体现文章在论证过程中的层次性／其二指的是：文章主体段中需要体现出内在逻辑的递进性，具体表现为：论点有一定的抽象性，然后用例证的方法（exemplification）将抽象的论点用具体的例子具体化。

Coherence：连贯性，正确使用代词：人称代词，指示代词，关系代词

标准4: language use

syntactic variety（句式长短变化＋句子开头变化：状语提前，倒装，形式主语，物成主语）

appropriate word choices：正确用词

idiomaticity 地道性，多看一些高质量的文章－对于基础很好的同学，重点推荐经济学人，多去关注模仿文章中动词的使用，水平较差一些的可以看NPR News，里面也有一些非常地道的表达，另外顺便积累素材。

真正的理解了满分评分标准后：我们来看一道题目，并且魔君给出自己写出的文章来讲解如何一一将满分评分标准应用到文章中。

Sample: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: The car (automobile) has had a greater effect on society than the airplane.

从理论来讲，我们的步骤：

标准1: 审题：

快速定位为事实类题目，可以采用拆分的方法进行破题：

观点：选择同意

具体论点展开：

更普及

提高人们幸福指数

让步段

标准2: well-organized：

整体上：开头段＋中间段＋结尾段

段落内：论点＋解释＋引出例子＋分析例子＋得出结论

well-developed:

好，说完了理论性的东西以后，我们来看一下具体在文章中是怎么操作的。

首先看文章整体结构：

开头段的最后一句话

中间段的第一句话

以及结尾段的第一句话

Sample essay written by 魔君

At present, the ways of travel and commute have become more diversified than before, subsequently, leading to the occurrence of a controversy issue whether cars generate greater effects on society than airplanes. From my perspective, although someone may emphasize the use of airplanes has contributed to the higher efficiency of people’s daily life and work, I still cling to the belief that there are more direct impacts from automobiles.

To begin with, the automobiles can benefit people a lot in many areas, increasing the prevalence of cars in people’s life and work. To be more specific, since people’s travel especially in urban cities depends a lot on private vehicles, they can enjoy the travel of higher quality compared with being crowded in the bus or subway. Take many aspects in our daily life as examples. For one thing, many citizens choose to commute back and forth by driving their private vehicles since the time schedule is more flexible without the necessity of waiting for a bus. Thus, more time can be squeezed to keep their family members accompany and thus it is beneficial for fastening family ties. For another thing, during the vacation such as the spring festival, people can opt to take a short journey around the city if they are less willing to travel to farther places. Take me as an example, every holiday, my parents would take me to cities around my hometown to release pressure since I could not spend too much time on the journey owing to a large number of academic assignments. Besides, more companies would use private cars, especially some luxurious brands such as BMW, to pick up some important clients like VIP for business trips. Thus, it is obvious that private automobiles have become irreplaceable in diverse areas.

To be followed, the application of automobiles can lead to the increase of happiness index of common citizens. To be more specific, compared with previous time during which the lack of transportation tools led people’s life to become less convenient, the widespread use of cars can save people from many areas. Take the lifestyle of the white-collars in the past in the urban cities for an instance. Everyday, taking public transportation tools was necessary for them since they could hardly afford to buy a private car. Then, the limited space in the bus and subways could trigger the emergence of negative emotions such as anxiety and anger. Especially after a whole-day devotion to the work, people would be exhausted physically and mentally and they had to endure the miserable way of travel. However, the situation has changed a lot. The increasing average incomes for common families caused by economic growth enables many families to afford a car. In this case, they are not required to take the public transportation tools. Instead, they can enjoy a more flexible time schedule since they can decide their own way to go to company. Siting in the car, people are kept from the mentioned negative emotion and they can enjoy the music and chat with family members if they send their kids to school. Thus, the comparison between the way of travel in the past and in the current time can indicate people’s happiness can be partly attributed to private cars.

Granted, to some extent, some people may emphasize that the airplanes can be of greater importance when taking a trip since its velocity is faster than the cars. In this way, travelers can arrive at the terminals more effectively. It appears to be sensible, however, it is an overstatement to judge airplanes as more indispensable than cars. For one thing, choosing cars to enjoy a trip can bring more pleasure because they can sightsee the beautiful sceneries along the journey such as the beautiful clusters of subtropic vegetation or groups of maples. For another thing, during the journey, more time can be spent with family members, which seems to be cherished by modern citizens since they are too busy in the workday and have less time to communicate with each other. Obviously, the benefits of taking airplanes to travel cannot be compared with driving cars.

In a nutshell, the society has received more influence from automobiles than airplanes. Both the more prevalence of cars and the increase of people;s life quality can illustrate why I stand for what I believe.

分析：

首先在开头段的最后一句话，From my perspective, although someone may emphasize the use of airplanes has contributed to the higher efficiency of people’s daily life and work, I still cling to the belief that there are more direct impacts from automobiles.（读第一句话）魔君采用让步的手法先阐述，尽管飞机的使用也许促进人们日常生活和工作效率的提升，但是我依然坚持认为汽车会产生更多的影响

接着：在主体段的第一段中，阐述自己的论点：To begin with, the automobiles can benefit people a lot in many areas, increasing the prevalence of cars in people’s life and work. 说首先，汽车在很多领域能够给人们带来好处，从而增加了汽车在人们生活和工作中的普及性。

主体段的第二段中，进一步阐述论点：To be followed, the application of automobiles can lead to the increase of happiness index of common citizens. 说到，其次啊，汽车的使用能够提升普通市民的幸福指数。

主体段最后一段；讲到 Granted, to some extent, some people may emphasize that the airplanes can be of greater importance when taking a trip since its velocity is faster than the cars. 非常明星的让步信号，展开让步段。

以上：符合全文的结构性，统一性以及连续性；

接下来魔君针对中间段第一段，详细分析如何按照评分标准展开中间段部分：

首先论点：To begin with, the automobiles can benefit people a lot in many areas, increasing the prevalence of cars in people’s life and work. 论点部分具有一定的抽象性，具体表现为，描述啦汽车在很多领域能够给人们带来好处，导致汽车的普及性。但却没有描述汽车所带来的好处有哪些。方便中间段后面部分的论证展开符合 well－develop；以及progression的要求。

接下来一句：To be more specific, since people’s travel especially in urban cities depends a lot on private vehicles, they can enjoy the travel of higher quality compared with being crowded in the bus or subway. 对于论点进行具体解释，因为现在尤其是在大都市，人们的出行很依赖私家车，采用对比乘坐拥挤的公交车or地铁，人们能够享受更高质量的出行。符合评分标准的 explanation。解释论点。

接下来一句：Take many aspects in our daily life as examples. 那生活中很多方面进行举例，来引出我们的例子。符合评分标准中的exemplification部分。

接下来开始采用多例的方式进行论证。

For one thing, many citizens choose to commute back and forth by driving their private vehicles since the time schedule is more flexible without the necessity of waiting for a bus.

一方面人们选择私家车上下班，因为时间会更加灵活不用等公交。

Thus, more time can be squeezed to keep their family members accompany and thus it is beneficial for fastening family ties.

因此，人们能花更多的时间陪伴家人巩固家庭关系。说出利用私家车的好处。

For another thing, during the vacation such as the spring festival, people can opt to take a short journey around the city if they are less willing to travel to farther places. Take me as an example, every holiday, my parents would take me to cities around my hometown to release pressure since I could not spend too much time on the journey owing to a large number of academic assignments.

另外，假期，人们可以选择短途旅行如果他们不愿意去更远的地方的话。然后拿自己进行举例，再给细节，我父母每个假期会带我在家乡周围旅行去释放压力，因为由于太多作业的缘故我不能花很多时间在旅行上。

Besides, more companies would use private cars, especially some luxurious brands such as BMW, to pick up some important clients like VIP for business purposes

其次呢，很多公司也愿意使用私家车尤其是一些奢侈品牌如宝马，去接一些客户作为商业用途。

回头来看下，在具体的example 方面给出了三个小的例子，在内容上形成排比关系，逐层论证私家车在生活和工作中的用处。同时在例子中不断给出细节，提升例子的可信度。符合评分标准中 example，detail的要求。

最后一句：

Thus, it is obvious that private automobiles have become irreplaceable in diverse areas.

因此，很明显私家车在很多领域已经变的不可替代了。来进行段落内的总结，符合well－organized 的段落内结构性的要求，同时符合unity段落内完整性的要求。同时整个段落，从论点倒解释到例子在到总结，符合逻辑的连续性，表现为从论点的抽象到第二句的解释，到随后例子的例证，形成一个从抽象到具象的过程，符合评分标准 progression的要求。

在语言上，多去改变句子的开头，不用总使用人称代词开头，符合多样性的要求。

因此这是一篇符合独立写足满分标准的中间段。

文章来源：周徐敏托福写作

学霸养成工具箱
家庭教育	小学辅导	中考干货
高考干货	艺考专区	考研备考
雅思考试	托福考试	线上免费课